we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
