oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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