Having a random hookup so left but love u
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
