The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
