I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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