thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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