It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
