he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
