David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
