I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
