Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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