Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
