I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
