I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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