Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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