I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
