I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
