his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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