she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
