ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
