Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
