Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
