it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
