he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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