It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
