I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
