she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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