I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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