he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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