Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
