I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
