Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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