Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I still have a little drunk in my system
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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