I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Four minutes until I can fart!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
