i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
