So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
