so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
