it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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