hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
