I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
