did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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