would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
false alarm, still single
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
