she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
