you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
