Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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