saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
