her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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