To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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