i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
