It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
