we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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