mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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