Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
