dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
