Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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