Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
